{ waiting for daylight to break.

[Avalynn]

{ I've seen the darkest things
c r a w l i n g i n s i d e o f m e
I've seen the monsters come alive.

I sat hunched over a desk, scribbling furiously on a piece of paper. I couldn't get the words down fast enough, but I was afraid if I didn't... they would disappear and I wouldn't ever remember them. I was almost finished with this page, then I would have to flip it over to the other side. The page was filled with circles, arrows and crossing outs, to the point where only I could understand what point I was trying to get across.

Gradually, my pen raced across the page slower and slower as the words faded from my mind. I sighed and looked up, staring off into space. I was greatful for the silence; there were no students crowding the desks next to mine, demanding to be heard. No teacher standing at the front of the room, futiley trying to get their attention by nagging in my ear. You might wonder why I am here, if there is no class being held. The answer is simple. This is where I write. It seems as if this room was made for me to write in. The lighting is at perfection, being dim enough that is is warm and cozy but with a window that is bright enough to bring natural sunlight into the room. The window also provides me place to look when my thoughts run out.

I glanced over the page I wrote. Once again, the beginning was decent, the middle was beginning to emerge... and then it just stops. The story has no end, barely a beginning. I was seized by a sudden frustration and nearly crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it at the wall. Instead, I took the unwrinkled sheet and neatly tucked it into my writing notebook. My notebook is filled with sheets like these; clear beginnings, muddled middles, and no endings. Though thee are a few prized stories that I have written beginning to end, and if I may say so myself, are actually decent.

I sighed again, shut the notebook and stood. I glanced around the empty classroom and then closed my eyes. Silence. Pure, enjoyable silence. It was only in these moments that I could begin to forget all that I was.

{ I've seen the enemy
t h e n i g h t m a r e f o l l o w s m e
searching the darkness for a light.

words. 457
muse. getting started
person. Taryn
lyrcs. waiting for daylight to break - switchfoot

[.Kanari.]

So you walk outside and everything's new

You're looking at the world with new eyes.

As if you'd never seen a sky before that's blue

As if you've never seen the sky in your whole life

I wandered like I always did at this time of day; its very boring. Really, what else to do for the millions of spare hours we'd have at this institute? Read the propaganda they feed us? Play sports with the kids who want to rip someone's heart out because that's how they've been treated? Yeah, right. I thought sarcastically.

I didn't have anywhere to go, really. I didn't have anywhere to stay. I had nothing to do, no one to talk to. I was as bored as a slug on a dreary winter night. Oh wait, that slug would probably be frightened by the cold, wouldn't it? It's probably not boring to die of frostbite. Ah, well, I'm no poetic genius. At least by walking around I would be able to see more than that slug. That's a bit better, isn't it? Is it?

I walked by some classrooms, wondering what I could do instead of this repetitious madness. And then I was just thinking, Maybe go to the cafeteria and eat an early dinner. Might as well. But then I passed by a classroom and saw a girl just standing in the middle of the desks, and it made me pause. What was she doing?

I went into the doorway, wondering if I should speak first or let her finish her little silent moment. Obviously she was enjoying the solitude. Should I leave? I wondered. I probably wouldn't want to be interrupted if I was her- and that has happened to me many times by almost everyone I know. Nothing out of the ordinary, but still not a good thing. I'll leave, I thought, she wouldn't want to have the moment ruined by a fellow mad student.

You're waiting tables and parking cars

You've been selling cell phones at the shopping mall

And you began to believe that all you are is material

It's nonsensical

words;; 407
muse;; quite terrible
child;; Darren
lyrcs;; 4:12- switchfoot

[Avalynn]

{ Waiting for daylight to break up this room
w a i t i n g f o r d a y l i g h t t o b r e a k
Ive been alone in the dark.

The thoughts came back. My eyes snapped open and I felt the moment of peace collapse. It didn't usually do this on it's own. There was always a disturbance, something to take the focus off the peace and place the spotlight back on myself, back on the thoughts.

I blinked, clearing my vision, and immediately saw what, or rather who, had interuppted my silence. I was tempted to call out, say something mean, blame it on the kid standing there. Blame all my problems on him. Instead, I took a breath. It wouldn't have lasted, these things, these good things, they never last anyways. So, why bother getting angry at the one who caused it to end?

I tucked my notebook under my arm, and took a step around the desk. I wasn't quite sure I wanted to leave the classroom. Especially with that boy just standing there. I'd probably look creepy walking towards him now. Not that I didn't already look like a freak standing in the middle of an empty classroom with my eyes closed. I nodded to him, "Uhh, hello." I muttered awkwardly. Just loud enough that I knew he should be able to hear.

A part of me wondered if he would just run off and pretend he hadn't seen me. A lot of the kids in this place had severe social disabilities. Not that it's their fault, I guess. They were traumatized as a children, after all. I was too, for the most part. But I don't fear people or talking or groups, I just have a strong dislike for them. My... 'episodes' always happen more frequently around other people. And so, the simple solution: avoid them. I don't mind if people think I'm one of the fearful anti-social kids, if it gets them to leave me alone... that's good enough for me.

{ I've been dreaming
n o w I ' m w a k i n g u p w i t h o u t y o u
I've been waking up without you for too long.

words. 439
muse. and the personality develops
person. Taryn
lyrcs. waiting for daylight to break - switchfoot

[.Kanari.]

I wish I had what I needed

To be on my own

'Cause I feel so defeated

And I'm feeling alone

I saw the girl looking at me, but I didn't say anything. I just stood there. Here it was again. Why did I get myself into these kinds of situations? First that girl in the grounds, and now this. What next, signing up for the circus and meeting a talking parrot or an american sign language signing gorilla? I wonder if it would be more interesting to talk to a gorilla, a parrot, or a girl. It'd be safest to stick with the parrot. Coolest to talk to the gorilla. And the funnest to have a decent conversation with the girl.

I cleared my throat and looked out the window. What a beautiful sky. I hummed part of a song that had been stuck in my head for a while, wishing that I had it and could listen to it.

What if I just walked out? It's never too late to run away, Darren, I told myself, but it's easily too late to come back. I put my hand on the doorknob, wondering what to do.

My head was suddenly flooded with such a vivid image my mind blanked out everything about where I was, and I felt like I just dropped into this same room in the past. A woman with a rod was advancing on a little boy no older than ten who was cowering. "Boy!" She shouted, and I saw the kid wince and slide down the side of the teacher's desk, trying to hide his head with his small arms. "You will not get away with doing such things in my classroom! If you ever start screaming in my class again you will wish isolation was all you'd get! Do you hear me?" The image began to fade as she advanced on the boy, who started crying and begging for her to stop. "I can't stop the visions!" He sobbed.

And the vision was gone.

I looked back at her and said, "Do you ever wish that sometimes you could get what you never thought you might want and find it blocked by yourself?" Woah, that came out of absolutely nowhere.

I smiled a little sheepishly, realizing how foolish I sounded. "Oh, sorry. My name is Darren. What's yours?" I put my hands in my pockets and looked at the floor. What on earth was I doing? And where did that stupid question come from? Could I possibly be any stupider?

It's my birthday tomorrow

No one here could know

I was born this Thursday

22 years ago

words;; 488
muse;; quite fanfluffytastic
child;; Darren
lyrcs;; let that be enough - Switchfoot

[Avalynn]

{ back in the tragedy
I ' v e m a d e a m e s s o f m e
my bitter means my bitter ends.

I watched as he seemed to think about what to do. He put his hand on the doorknob, as if not knowing what to do with himself and breifly froze, his gaze going blank. It was there and gone so fast I almost would have said I imagined it, but I knew myself better than to second guess.

She paused to think about what he said, deciding to ignore his blank out as she did so. "Well, yes, but you actually asked two questions. 'Do I ever wish I could get what I didn't know I wanted?' Yes. 'Do I find myself blocking it?' I would assume so, since I don't know what I want. Or did I misunderstand you?"

She paused and looked away, putting a finger to her lips as if thinking. "Well, don't apologize. I'm the one getting all technical on you."

She paused again, this time trying to gather and calm her thoughts. They were beginning to swirl around again, with little tints of anxiety in them. What is wrong with me? I couldn't even talk to someone without wanting to go crawl alone into a corner.

"Yeah, hi. My name's Taryn. Fancy seeing you here, right?" I spouted off some words, trying to fill the silence. I couldn't concentrate enough to articulate a pleasant sounding sentence. I took a deep breathe and focused on thoughts that were particularly unpleasant. One by one I tried to force them away, negate the feelings by feeling the opposite. It was a coping technique I had discovered awhile ago. Unfortunately, I really suck at it.

{ I've seen the irony
i t g e t s t h e b e s t o f m e
dying to be made new again.

words. 375
muse. decent but short. I think it's sick
person. Taryn
lyrcs. waiting for daylight to break - switchfoot

[.Kanari.]

[NF]

Would you tell me when to let go?

'Cause I think I'm holding on

Would you do it for me?

'Cause I'm playing for keeps

I smiled, replying, "Yes you did, I actually meant if you found you had made actions in the past that are blocking you from getting what you want now."

I shook my head in confusion. I had no idea what had brought any of this on or what. "Technicality is actually a misnomer. You're fine, I'm really the confusing one here, starting it up and everything."

The images I had seen just moments ago flashed back through me, making me cringe inside. That poor kid... I thought, wishing I could do something for him. He didn't want the visions. He didn't mean to do something bad. I mentally defended the poor boy, several years too late. Or maybe just several hours. I never could tell. But it was all an illusion, wasn't it? The boy never existed; the lady was never real, and so couldn't have truly done that. It was all fake. All the visions were fake.

"It feels like my whole life is fake sometimes..." I said aloud. Realising at once what I did, I put a hand up, not quite sure what to do. "Uh, I didn't mean anything by that. It just slipped out. An errant thought, nothing to it. Hehe." My hand went behind my head and I wanted to run again. What an idiot you are, Darren! I scolded myself.

"Uh, yeah. It's weird, meeting like this, isn't it?" I said, desperate to start any conversation other than what had just went on.

Tell me tomorrow has come

With open arms

If you say it's time to move on

Then I'll stop holding on

words;; 338
muse.;; still here
child;; darren-kun
lyrcs;; playing for keeps - switchfoot