Thats the Glory of Love!

[` Ixchel!]

'You gotta give alittle,
take alittle,
and let your poor heart break alittle
thats the the story of
thats the glory of
LOVE'

One mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi, four mississippi, five mississippi, switch. One mississippi...

Concentrate. Concentrate. C'mon, concentrate! Don't think about the birds, or the sky, or the sun. Or how beautiful the flowers smell today, or anything, concentrate! Stretch... you can make it!

I grimaced, stretching my arms out infront of me till I was a single dang inch from my toes. That inch felt like a mile, and I felt like my spine was about to crack from the strain. If my fingers could just stretch like Mr. Fantastic... come on. I narrowed my eyes, breathing heavily until finally I touched the very tip of my Converse. I let out a large breath of air, then fell back onto the bench and stared up at the sky.

The bench was deffinatly hard, alittle rough, but hey, its the best concrete could get to. Deffinatly sturdy, and I really liked the feeling against the flesh on my arms and legs. Today I sported a pair of khakis and a white shirt with a cute panda on it. My hair was what it always was, held down by a thin, blue hair-band. The sporty kind. I admit, I enjoyed the cloth after a whole week of wearing those itchy uniforms.

I closed my eyes, listening to everything around me and drawing in slow breaths, evening my inhaling and exhaling to the Earth's, for once in unison against the rest of the world. I was again at peace with what I believed the creator. There really was no God for me, or any other thing. No "Big Bang" theory, just me and the Earth. She was my true parent, not those stuck-up tight-undies I called mum and pa.

I sighed, my arms at my sides and perfectly sized on the bench. I turned my head, opening my eyes at the same time to see a small blue bird land in the grass a few feet away. I cooed softly in my throat, turning it into a soft purr, and then slowly rolling onto my belly and sliding off the bench onto my hands and knees. 'Hello Tess.' the bird said, bobbing its head at me happily.
"Hey there, Little Blue!" I said aloud, grinning. 'How are you today?' Little Blue chirped lightly, lyrics flowing easily around us and causing my smile to grow.

"Little Blue, can you teach me a song?" I asked, turning so that I could sit indian-style on the grass. Little Blue hopped in a circle, then bounced towards me.

It was moments like these, when I had an animal with me, the world didn't exist anymore. Everyone else was obsolete. We were the only existing creatures. Animals put a spell on me for some reason. Honestly, I didn't know if I was imagining these or what, or if I really was insane like everyone had claimed me to be. I just knew animals and I shared a bond. I could touch them, and they felt real, so surely I wasnt imagining it, right?

'You gotta laugh alittle
cry alittle
and let the clouds roll by alittle
thats the story of
thats the glory of
LOVE'

word; 507
muse; medium
puppet; Tess Marie[/size]

[.Kanari.]

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead

Yesterday is a promise that you've broken

Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes

This is your life and today is all you've got now

Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have

I was just walking along the hallways, doing nothing. This is one of the only two days you have in the week to not be stressed out. Come on, Darren, relax a little. Pull up a chair and do something cool for once instead of something self-pitying. Get a backbone! As I was walking I looked out the window and saw lots of kids just talking and laughing in the grounds. I touched the window, feeling forlorn and alone. For a moment I had an out-of-body experience, seeing myself, a depressed borderline insane anti-social half-boy half-man staring out the window upon kids just as screwed up as I was, but they were managing to make the best of it and move on with themselves and their lives. Now why can't I do that?

As I turned to keep walking I let a smile creep its way onto my face. For once, one of my insane episodes actually led me to realize something. Maybe there was some hope in this world after all.

I walked down the stairs at the end of the hall instead of turning the corner to walk to my dorm, not completely focusing on what I was doing. When I realized, halfway down the steps, where I was headed I paused mid-step. What am I going to do out there? Talk to all my "gaggles" of friends? I'm an unknown loser with not enough presence of mind to talk to a talkative toddler about their imaginary animal. How on earth could I begin to talk to an actual person my age?

But then I recalled my vision, and saw myself again in the half boy half man state. If I were a man, what would I do? What would a boy do? And so I plopped down and sat on the step I was on, glad for the scarce traffic in the halls. After a minute of thinking of absolutely nothing I groaned and growled silently, hauling myself to my feet and continued walking.

"I hate fairytales," I grumbled to myself.

I walked out the doors, still a bit sullen. Then I groaned again, trying to picture talking to someone in this kind of a mood. Fat chance of that, I thought, looking around. I just chose a direction and started walking, not particularly caring about where I was going.

After a bit of passing by strangers and saying absolutely zip, I got a little bit miffy at myself. After rebuking myself several times, I finally spotted a girl laying on the grass by a bench a bit further ahead.

So I naturally decided to screw everything and just skip the opening lines in conversations.

I sat down indian-style a little bit farther than an acceptable distance from her, doing my best to not scare the bird, since as I walked up I realized she was talking to it.

"Hey," I said, smiling to try and show I wasn't a complete maniac.

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don't close your eyes

word; 617
muse; quite decent ^^
charrie; Darren
song; this is your life by Switchfoot

[` Ixchel!]

'
People talk about me, baby
Say Im doin you wrong, doin you wrong
Well, dont you worry baby
Dont worry
Cause Im right here, right here, right here, right here at home
'

I swayed a little to the words and music around us both, each note and chord like a little happy nudge to get me through the day. I picked out the words, and sang with the bird, giggling between each word and lyric before finally reaching out my hand -finger messily painted with red and green- and brushed my index finger across Little Blue's head. I drew in a small breath, and closed my eyes, the world around us now swirling, trancingly dizzying yet calming. I felt something from my back, and drew my hand from the bird. I bent my arm so I could feel my back, and to my surprise, I had wings! I knew everyone could see them, not just I! I had wings!

My eyes flew open as I heard a small, handsome voice break through the excitment and barriers Little Blue and I had built. My hand flopped to my side, and my eyes were wide. I didn't know what to say. What do you say, when no one ever talked to you, except the teachers and psychiatrists? When a boy, a BOY is saying something to you, when you have had the worst experience with them and never had contact with the opposite gender by strong request to every faculty member, what are you supposed to say? I stood slowly, folding my arms behind me and immediatly taking a hesitant step back.

Was I supposed to act like I would if I encountered a bear? The guides said stay calm, slowly take steps back and make eye contact. Instead, I immediatly sat down on the bench and stared at him. I opened my cracked lips -which deffinatly needed some Bees Wax or something- and felt my voice shake through my throat, vocal chords straining to say something. Something!

I looked down at the open spot of the bench next to me, then back to him and blushed the deepest shade of red possible. "H-hi.." I blushed more, then felt my face flush, then blush again. Should I introduce myself? He deserved that atleast, seeing me completely freak right now. If thats what he would consider freaking. "I-Im Tess." I said, my voice small and very cautious, afraid of anything he might say, 'Why were you talking to that bird?' Or my mothers favorite, 'Stop talking to the cat! Stop it, Tess! STOP IT NOW!' and then she'd start crying because she was afraid of me, and then I would cry because she was yelling and slamming doors trying to block out my voice. Then, I would block her out and painfully continue the conversation, the cat cooeing softly to me, trying to calm me and dry my tears. I remember every stray animal that crossed our yard, knew all about them, and they knew all about me. I was alone and misfitted, just like them in some way.

I could only accept this though, and I knew he would give me the same answer. I knew it, every kid here did. Everyone had something wrong with them, but they outcasted me because I whispered to the bees or sang with the birds.

Random thought! God, was he cute, or what?

'Youre the cutest thing
That I ever did see
I really love your peaches
Want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Ooo-eee baby, Ill sure show you a good time
'

word; 540
muse; medium- getting betterish
puppet; Tess Marie
background; The Joker- Steve Miller Band[/size]

[.Kanari.]

Welcome to the planet

Welcome to existence

Everyone's here

Everybody's watching you now

As I looked at her the world twisted and reshaped itself, focusing in on the bird and the girl. Suddenly the girl twitched forward a hair, and wings began to grow, and then within an eyeblink she had full wings. She felt her own wings, and right as I said "hey" the whole world reset itself. I had no time to even comprehend the episode before I had talked to her. Perhaps I wouldn't have said anything. It was such a relief to see something good instead of the usual.

And then she was staring at me, and I ducked my head and looked away for a moment, frightened of her reaction. What would she think of my staring off into space, probably giving her the weirdest stare ever in the process, for that bit? What did she say? Was she expecting me to reply? What do I do? Ahg, this is why I didn't want to do this! I thought furiously.

When she backed up and fell onto the bench, I nearly got up and ran away. She just practically gaped at me, and I felt like a pile of dirt. It was just like my dad. Just like my mom or the kids at school. All of them, pointing and telling me how insane I was... "You're so weird, loco-head!" "Yeah, go back to mars where you came from, freak!" "Crazy!" "Loser!"...

I just looked away again, and ended up staring at the bird. I chirped at him, and the bird cocked its head at me. I clicked my tongue like you do with cats, and the bird stepped towards me. It chirped once, then flew off over my head, back into the sky.

I looked back at the girl, letting my feelings go. I thought, Live in the moment. Don't think about the past. She isn't yelling or crying or running away. And neither will you.

When she actually talked to me, I felt almost like gaping and staring. She was talking to me? How on earth was this happening? Someone saw my insanity and isn't walking away??

I was dumbfounded for a moment, my mouth slightly open. Then I jerked myself back to reality and said, "Yeah... I'm, uh," I went blank for a second. What was my name again? She was so pretty. Bad Darren! Reality check! "My name's Darren."

You're so stupid Darren! Stupid stupid stupid!

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

Today never happened before

word; 483
muse; svweet
charrie; Darren
song; i dare you to move by Switchfoot

[` Ixchel!]

'
People talk about me, baby
Say Im doin you wrong, doin you wrong
Well, dont you worry baby
Dont worry
Cause Im right here, right here, right here, right here at home
'

I always reacted the same when I came across a male. Cry, run, try not to look at all appealing. Its my instinctive, default switch. It was just me, and yet, I wasnt me right now. Maybe, I was a flower. Just a tiny flower, experiencing its first rain, the first drops of sky across my soft, velvet pettles. Feeling something digging under neath my roots, something supportive. A little flower with no experience or knowledge of the sky, but now with all the friendship the rain drops had to offer. And that was a lot.

A very light smile crossed my dry lips again, and I felt my cheeks soften their rosy color, but still noticable. I twisted my hands together, looking down then up at him. I reached up and tucked a stray auburn lock behind my ear and bit my bottom lip. So childish, so girly. "Darren." I repeated softly, my smile flexing slightly, expanding then replaced by once again biting my bottom lip. "Sit with me?" I asked, scooting over an inch and turning away from him by a few degrees.

I locked my hands in my lap, pressing them down into my legs and clearing my throat. "So, um," theres my bad attempts at conversation. I turned my body back to face him, looking down at my hands and furrowing my brow in frustration. "I really don't know... um..." I grimaced, looking up at him with sad eyes. "Sorry." I said in a weak voice, and then raised my hands and burried my face in them.

I spread my fingers apart slowly, the opening unnoticable only to myself. I looked at him, then dropped my hands onto the bench next to me and closed my eyes. "Really, I-Im new at this."

How did you act infront of someone? I could only just fidget for moments on end until the uncomfort ended, and even then it was just like a burden. I didn't want to look like a freak infront of him, but here I was, twitching and hiding myself in frustration and embarresment. I asked him to sit next to me! Surely he would be disgusted at this, who wants to sit next to a hippy, tom-boy, runt girl!? Hippy, tom-boy, runt girl. Thats what I was, always and forever. That's what I was in my mom's eyes, in my dad's, that and a play toy in my brother's. I was nothing, just an orb in the hall, something you saw but didn't think about.

'Youre the cutest thing
That I ever did see
I really love your peaches
Want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Ooo-eee baby, Ill sure show you a good time
'

word; 420
muse; low
puppet; Tess Marie
background; The Joker- Steve Miller Band
notes; and thus, my muse has failed to present
its true colors. it will be better next post, i hope[/size]

[.Kanari.]

I'm the failure

I'm everyone's fool

And I'm losing my cool at the end

I'm the loser

My numbers come up

I've been hung up with thoughts of Revenge

I smiled a tiny bit, suddenly very thoughtful, but happy. She wanted me to sit next to her. Me. Not some normal guy. Not someone who's actually decent at talking to girls. Me, the guy who just (surely) creeped her out.

So I stood up and instead went and sat on the armrest of the bench. It was more comfortable than I thought it would be. I knew I didn't want to really sit next her yet. I mean, what if she did something I wasn't ready for? But I did think I might like her, so it's not like I would refuse.

When she got embarrassed because she couldn't speak right, I wanted to sit next to her and comfort her, but I controlled the impulse. Slow down, "big boy". You don't even know the slightest thing about girls. What if you messed it up?

So I just faced towards her and cleared my throat. "Don't worry about it," It was almost a whisper, but not quite. When she said how she was knew, I laughed. I stopped laughing immediately, not wanting to upset her. "I'm not laughing at you," I said quickly, "I was just thinking how I know nothing about girls. You couldn't be newer at this than me. Really."

Dude, how are you talking? How can I possibly be this articulate this fast? I think something's up with you, Darren. You've been holding out. That thought surprised me. Really? Could that be true?

Then a sobering thought occured to me. What if my insanity was just making her up? What if I was still sitting on the grass, staring at her, imagining this whole thing? How could I know? How could I try and see if this was real? You have to wait for her to do something you couldn't imagine up. You have to wait for her to do something you don't expect- something way different than anything that could come of an insane wish. Well, come on, God. Show me your stuff. Show me she's someone real somehow.

I watched heaven dying today

and I'm gonna die here tonight

I'm the villain and I deserve to be dead

I've been hung up for wrecking my life

word; 456
muse; very good
charrie; darren
song; revenge by Switchfoot

[` Ixchel!]

'
People talk about me, baby
Say Im doin you wrong, doin you wrong
Well, dont you worry baby
Dont worry
Cause Im right here, right here, right here, right here at home
'

I was trully, genuinly hurt by this. Was I really a freak? Did I scare him so bad, he didn't even want to sit on the bench next to me? He had to sit on the arm of the bench! I felt like... like a knife had gone through my heart. I wasn't that ugly. Right? I cleared my throat, then looked down at my hands again and something very vicious and nightmarish caught my eye.

I paniced instantly, seeing the long blade jammed in my chest, I jumped up, gasping for breath and slowly reached a hand towards the wooden handle, my fingers grazing the crimson knife. I grabbed it suddenly, the illusion so real I could feel the pain through my whole body like a giant inferno. It coursed through every vein like wild fire. All due to a piece of steal, stabbed into my heart. I inhaled, looking at Darren with wide eyes and then yanking the metal out of me. I dropped to my knees, then suddenly every splot of blood, even the cold blade was gone. Nothing to show what happened.

I looked back to Darren, eyes wider. This, this was something I know took in deeply. Maybe, just maybe I held something inside me. If he saw that, I would know Im not insane, it would be true. Whatever It was. I dropped my hands to my sides, and blinked. "Oh-oh God. Was that my imagination? P-please tell me that was just my mind. Im insane, right?" I couldn't have been so effected by him sitting on the edge of the bench. Had I? Yes, I had acctually. I was deeply effected by that. How would you react if someone you were talking to chose to stay over three feet from you? Well, probably not suddenly see an actual knife, but seriously, wouldn't you be alittle offended?

I knew I was going to be more offended and hurt, because part of me understood that he was about to get up and walk away, maybe screaming his head off. Like everyone else did.

You see, this really wasn't the first time something like this happened to me. I was just so flipping freaked out because the first time (and the only time besides now) this ever happened to me was when I was six. I had the cold, and I had been coughing really bad. Let's just say I made a smug comment such as 'I feel like Im going to cough up a lung!' Let's just leave it at it was really bloody for like... three minutes until it all disapeared and my mom had nearly screamed her head off and my dad nearly crapped himself. Yay! Memories!

Being me sucks.

'Youre the cutest thing
That I ever did see
I really love your peaches
Want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Ooo-eee baby, Ill sure show you a good time
'

word; 458
muse; low
puppet; Tess Marie
background; The Joker- Steve Miller Band
notes; mmm didn't that last paragraph just
bring the prettiest images?[/size]

[.Kanari.]

They tell you where you need to go

They tell you when you'll need to leave

They tell you what you need to know

They tell you who you need to be

My breathing came hard while the knife was being jammed into her, and I fell onto the bench, about to reach for the knife to yank it out. My hands stayed by my sides, however, and I just stared at where the knife entered, my eyes feeling like I was about to tear up.

I looked away, ashamed of almost crying. When I looked back at her the knife was gone and she was gasping on the ground, trying to get ahold of herself. I leaned on my knees and grasped my hands in front of me, trying to control my reaction.

My first reaction was imagining that this was my own insanity again. But none of my visions had been like this. They always seemed like an echo of reality, a vision, not a... an... illusion. Not a twisting of the world, not something that could just vanish without a trace. My visions showed me things that weren't there but always had some semblence of truth to them, some picture that I instinctively knew was no falsehood. I might be insane, I might create this pictures out of nothing, but the pictures, the visions, they were never anything like that. They were more real than I was. When all of my senses were gone, when everything around me just reflected my insanity and my own life was in shambles and destroyed, the visions always were the most normal part of it all. Until I came to the institute, and then they started becoming more cruel and more... strange, unbelievable.

This was crossing a whole new line. If this was me, was another extension of my insanity, I couldn't see how I would bear it. Why would anyone expect me to talk to anyone, to interact with my therpist, when all I could see was them dying? How could I live with something like this? How could I go on with this happening every minute of every day of my life?

Then she spoke, and my mind went even further into confusion. What? What's she saying? She saw it too? How?! This's never happened before! This is impossible!

"You... you saw it? You saw that too?" I asked shakily, taking my arms off my knees and looking her in the eyes, something I hated to do with people. The eyes are the window to the soul, and my soul is nothing anyone would want to behold.

I looked away at the trees again before I closed my eyes. I dropped my head as I said, "I can't believe it." I brought my eyes back to her, wondering if it was true. "No one has ever seen what I've seen too. The visions have always been secret. No one ever believed me when I told them what I saw. But you're telling me... You're saying that you saw it. You saw that knife, and those wings. I didn't make it up. You know."

I didn't want to let it be true. I couldn't let myself think it might be... That someone else might finally believe me and understand. Impossible. Right?

And I'm on fire

Burning at these mysteries

These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me

word; 617
muse; very good- for the first time since sunday =P
charrie; darren
song; on fire by Switchfoot
other; i think its just the tintiest bit creepy that I had 617 words before writing this little 'other' thing. 0.0 Two posts in one thread that have the same number of random words? Kinda freaky.